Pain

My cousin and I decided on an impromptu trip to a farmer's market one morning. We made our way down the staircase, through the hall, and out to the front gate of our apartment building. Luckily, I had scored a park right in front of our apartment on the road. Not in a rush, and checking if street cleaning was happening, we chilled outside by the car for a moment. All of a sudden, we hear the loudest thud, followed by multiple shrieks. All the ruckus appeared to come from our apartment building. We heard it clear as day and quickly turned around to see what happened. A few seconds go by and it's unclear what happened, that is, until a woman comes out the front door and rushes to the side of the building where her son had fallen. The loud thud was the boy falling from the fire escape and onto the concrete landing by our building.

The mother and sister of the boy are a wreck. The mother rushes her son out front, through the gate, to where me and my cousin are standing in shock. She screams out to us in spanish. For that one second you freeze and don't know what to do. My cousin grabs her phone and frantically dials 911. Meanwhile, I rush to the boy and try to help the mother place him to the ground. Blood drips from his head. We place him down in the grass. I must stop the bleeding. I turn to grab my keys and rush back into the apartment, up the stairs, to my room. By chance I had a new roll of paper towels on my desk, which I grabbed and immediately ran back downstairs. Holding this little five year old's head to stop the bleeding was traumatic. The whole situation was traumatic. On the positive, the boy was still conscious, and the ambulance got to us in record time. They did a fantastic job taking care of everything at that point. But seeing a little boy, who barely takes up half the length of the stretcher, screaming out in pain, it's terrifying. I instantly think of my nieces and nephews, and to the future when I myself might have a son.

The medics asked us a few questions, then loaded the boy into the ambulance, and were on their way. Everything happened so fast. It's just segments, blips, little pieces that are collected. My cousin and I walk slowly back into our apartment, to our room, and we take a deep breath. We speak a few words, trying to process what happened, and reassure ourselves that everything will be alright for the little boy. All these little events led us to this big event, which impacted us and removed me from my own head.

Quite often we spend much of our time considering our own life, what is going on with us, and what we are going to do next. I fixate on things about myself and lose all track of the world around me. Just a couple days later from the one incident, I wake up to the smell of fire. A nearby four story apartment building had gone up in flames. Each event draws me a little more outside of myself, and into the reality of what's going on around me. So many important things I should be paying attention to but i'm not. Now I keep hearing sirens everywhere, realizing it could be another fire or another little boy or some other tragic event.

Walking through the plaza where I work, out of nowhere, i'm struck with a thought. What if someone was screaming out for help amongst all these people...would anyone help them? Do we ignore things if they don't make an impact on our own life? Do we care? Do I care? The life of convenience gets a wrench thrown in it when there's pain, and yet, I don't think we can live without it. Pain is a vital part of life. We ARE suffering, presently, and must help one another on a regular basis. Some scars are less visible than others, but everyone has them. This is a learning opportunity! Don't wish away the bad times. We must welcome in the knowledge that comes from heartache.

Only then do we get a grander scope of the world and how things work. This will inevitably lead us to pay more attention, to others, and to the world around us. The physical and metaphysical. We are all witnesses to one big event. I've spent so much of my time closing my eyes, blaming the world for everything, and looking out for myself. I've gotten so comfortable as a so called introvert, who can people watch all day, and safely stay at a distance in my own head. I didn't understand how bad it was until something bad happened in front of me, forcing me to open my eyes and care for somebody else. I pray for that little boy. He is such a special part of this world, and I hope he can experience it fully.

May we all experience the world fully, with pain and joy, laughing and crying, sickness and health. People are crying out all over the world every single day. May we listen. May I listen to my own words and not let them become conceded. I'm so bad at paying attention and focusing, but this at least feels like a small step in the right direction.