Road Rules (Please Listen)

Navigating the streets with Maria got me thinking

There’s laws in place that prohibit you from drinking

While on the road, driving to and fro, fast or slow

We often turn left or right in a fit of rage or take it with ease

As if to feel a soft breeze. Either way I am not a predictor

Of such movements that should have a simple indicator

Accompaniment...I’m referring of course to the blinker.

Let me explain to you what this is because many drivers

Seem to have forgotten some of the fundamentals.

It’s simple, really. By your wheel there is typically a small arm

On the side which moves up or down. Once moved, it

Creates a repetitive sound. One I beatbox to so as to not become

Frustrated with it’s persistency. It’s a reminder of the urgency of

Such an action and the emergency one could cause if they refuse

To use this necessary tool. To say it takes too much effort is foolish.

You, yes you, driver in front of me...I beg and plead of you to stop with

The whiplash and heart attack inducing stops and maneuvers with

Not a single note to signal me of said action. It’s infuriating to say the least.

Dangerous most of all and plain stupid to refuse. Please, oh Please, use your

Blinker. Do it for the good of society and acknowledgement that you’re not

The only one on the road. We’re all trying to get from A to B safely.

I’ve gotten so upset with this carelessness, but still, I’ll ask politely.

Use your blinker.

Pocket Fucker

Passing by the crowds, couldn’t help but yell out loud, rape in the first degree.

It’s non-consensual, big softies for a hard drive, driving Siri crazy with our

Constant questioning. Pissing ourselves silly with power in our pocket, clearly

Over-compensating for something. Is that a smartphone in your hands or are

You just unhappy to see me? Parents provide an otter box for protection as

children slide their fingers deep down, and back up again, salivating at the sound

Of notes and moans bellowed from below. Not knowing the ropes for the sails on

This boat. Sea men and women cry alike as a wave of lost souls capsize the ship.

Shit, the flip phone kept us more afloat than this stream on the down low we

Download with nothing to say when services render and it’s time to pay. Delayed

Gratification like a whorehouse an hour away. Wifi died, so slow, panties up in a

Bunch on the floor. Give it to me or i’ll make a scene for the credits of this porno.

Blow the whole thing out of proportion with emotion and emoticons and strap

On the breastplate of self-righteousness. Dexterous delinquents waiver with

The task at hand...Jobs all macabre to the degenerative generation turned on by robots.

Knowledge is Power...ful

Anxiety, depression, plaguing us completely un-announced. Not very polite. It is an animal that feeds, most of the time without us even realizing it. Just as we feed off of information, it too will do the same, but it will twist it and wring it out until there's not a single drop left. Our culture's idea of an education is skewed, which results in stressful lifestyles that ironically will lead to both anxiety and depression. And for what purpose? To advance us as a nation? Or to puff ourselves up to showcase biceps not made of steel, but air? Obtaining and researching and absorbing information is crucial, but what we do with that information is just as important.

For myself, I recognize that I will get various "highs" from information, but just as alcohol gives me that initial buzz, it slowly filters into a self-destructive state. I'm like all the rest, jumped on the bandwagon of "podcasts" and I love it. I'll throw them on and listen whilst doing other simple tasks and chores throughout the day. It's nice, it's peaceful, and it feels like a purpose-filled way to use my time and do a bit of multi-tasking. I can wash dishes AND learn about how my brain works, or what others are doing with their lives, how novel. The danger comes when I obtain said information through my ear, only to be relinquished through my mouth later on to impress someone or give a false appearance. In the end, the dishes don't fully get washed, and I am sadly none the wiser. Hours later though, if you were to ask, I'd say I had quite the productive afternoon. Sometimes it's not even a problem of misusing the information, but simply not obtaining in the first place. I receive it one ear, it skips past the mouth, and goes right on out the other ear. Like drinking something I like the taste of only to spit it back out, never really consuming anything.

Let us learn from Willy Wonka, who introduced the idea of a land where everything was edible. It's a magical idea, no doubt, but it doesn't actually seem that far off from reality. Everything surrounding us has a way of being consumed in one way or another. And we'd be lying if we said we didn't have a little Augustus Gloop in us, always leaning towards that chocolate river. Hell, it looks good. Who can say no to chocolate? It naturally has caffeine that we could use as energy to move forward, but if made into say, a brownie, iit will promote lethargy and become counter-productive. Enlightened thinkers down the line rarely made note of their own knowledge or success, instead they used it as fuel for discoveries and cures and they constantly wrestled with the fact that there was always more to learn.

It's a wonderful truth really, that there's always more to learn, more to gather and more to acheive. We can't escape this nor should we try. But moving forward and progress are important actions we can all seem to agree on. The method and mode of this, just as our educational system or government could suggest, is a bit skewed. Who's to say what moving forward really looks like? In Bill Bryson's book 'A Short History of Nearly Everything', he details, well, a little buit of everything from the past all the way to the present. Remarkably and humorously, he comes to the conclusion, despite all of the information we've obtained, that we don't actually know very much. "The fact is, there is a great deal, even at quite a fundamental level, that we don't know - not least what the universe is made of. When scientists calculate the amount of matter needed to hold things together, they always come up desperately short. It appears that at least 90 percent of the universe , and perhaps as much as 99 percent, is composed of Fritz Zwicky's 'Dark Matter' - stuff that is by nature is invisible to us. It is slightly galling to think that we live in a universe that for the most part we can't even see, but there you are". And here we are, moving forward, or so we'd say. I'm afraid remark could use a little perspective.

Hardly am I trying to argue against all the progress that has been made down the line, but again, what we do with information and/progress can be just as important as the thing itself. But acknowledging  that we don't understand everything can be a helpful platform in and of itself. For in this way we are less likely to fool ourself and become delusional in thought and action. This can happen on a grand scale and also a minute one. A belief of superiority and "correct" thinking over another country can lead to war. Meanwhile, the belief that a red dot on my arm is most certainly proof of a rare disease that must be eradicated for me to get back to 'status quo'. Our bodies, and i'd say our minds, are always working to acheive homeostasis. This balance is important for our survival. If we consume what is around us, absorb the nutrients, and then actively pursue further working off of what we have ingested to better the people around us, and also to take care of ourselves, we're certainly moving forward by my definition.

When we tap into this world we don't understand, we might be all too shocked what comes out of it. Hang in there, it's all too shocking for me too. But I'd never want to dis-illusion myself otherwise. When introduced with a powerful force, there will no doubt be trembling and resitance. We must all work together in moving forward and acknowledging that we don't fully understand everything. In our personal doubts and fears, may this give us peace, and may we find rest in not knowing or having complete control. For knowledge is power...ful. 

Swimming the English Channel With Foreign Subtitles

I can't help but notice a soul decrepit

These things we call normal rarely ever fit

Laces I loop like all of the rest

People lacking shoes most certainly protest

My lack of awareness and understanding

Causing words that jump without ever landing

The laces I tie always so loose

Two bunny ears each wrapped up like a noose

Tripping and stumbling I reach for a handle

Such a small world does not hold a candle

To the one at large we shoo like a fly

Wafting a scent, our ears close our eyes

A call to arms is what some suggest

Consciously i'm subconscious at best

Thoughts like t-shirts we try on for size

Matching our soles wrapped up so tight

Laughter trickles down and out through my nose

Counting the cons while rattling prose

A blow to the noggin might make one concussed
Divisive issues are symptoms to discuss
Joked to be only the setting on a washer
The mismatched clothes all end up in the water
So our feet will march to a brand new tune
Not saying a word, but embodying truth.

Streams pt II

"Pals With Pollack?"

Couldn't say if I was born or dropkicked into a humorously small world. If you believe
in such things as a higher being, or creator, I would like to call him the painter.
Naming things I don't understand helps me process through life. Disconnecting
helps me believe I can "get by", while in fact, I'm just dismembering flesh and
blood from the body of existence. Not noting each brush stroke limits my ability
to get to know said painter. The idea of a personal relationship is so absurd and
yet the majority of the population would profess it as a reality. The reality
is that this humorously small world is not actually that small. The dimensions
of this painting aren't measurable. We are constantly born and dropkicked.


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"Filling the Jello Mold"

Cracks in the pavement like our "constant" belief system which we believe in and of itself
is solid. Belief systems and religion don't placate. The cracks are veins proving we
exist. Of course you're going to contradict yourself a week later, or maybe even
the next day. If we try to avoid even contradiction, then the pavement we walk
on becomes jello. Even religion can turn into a self-absorbed side show that takes
the Lord's name in vain. Don't think you're the only one. The weight of all humans
rests on this holy floor. We walk amongst angels and yet we do pop-up circus shows
pointing to clowns. We have a case of high sensitivity and absolute fear. 

"I Used To..."

Stumbling across a plot of 20-30 cut trees, I climb and crisscross and then stop to marvel at the sight. It's not always in my nature to marvel, but when I do, it's often amongst nature. A thought struck me like an unshakable proverb saying "Ben, if you can't enjoy this moment, right now, for all its wonder, then you won't be able to enjoy anything else". It is time to start paying attention...

I used to think your bloodline and lineage were what made up your family, but i’ve experienced deep friendships that have become more like family than I could ever imagine. People surrounding me and loving me with a passion that is overwhelming. Most profound experiences are hard to put into words, which is beautiful in and of itself, but expressing words for these moments can still be important. These events have all stemmed from a mysterious sickness that has plagued my body and left me puzzled. Perplexed. Enlightened. The human body is one of the most fascinating things when you truly get to know it. The ins and outs, the arteries, the tracts, the veins, the bones, the brain, the fingers, and so on. The possible conditions your body can experience is just as crazy a list that I won’t even attempt to tackle. But what have I gained? A particular fascination along with a deep appreciation of each moving part, especially when it’s operating “normally”.

From procedures to colonoscopies to doctor visits to specialists, I have also gotten a better glimpse into the medical field and how it operates. If you have had any experience, you’ll know what I mean when I say simply that it can be ‘trying’ at best. The black and white patient-doctor experience I knew for the first 20 or so years has been thrown out the window, and now i've gained a caution in relying on and trusting everything that the doctor provides. Now you must take it into your own hands and press issues where needed to get results. There is insurance to consider which is another beast that has swallowed our country whole. The amount of stories I hear from personal friends going through crisis with their insurance is unbearable and fills me with anger. The injustices that take place each day within the medical realm is unbelievable. People are sick and need to get better. Everyone should be able to receive the care they need and someone who listens without rolling their eyes and passing them off as just another patient with no ‘real’ problem.

When I really step back and reflect, I realize that life comes down to participation. Whether we choose to access our freedom and exercise our human abilities and spiritual capacities, this is where we find meaning. Ignoring a certain issue or brushing something under the rug is NOT participation. We don’t like all these rules and laws set in place ‘controlling’ us, but at the same time, we do not take a step into the circle to consider how we might fit into this mess. The mess is what i’d describe as a glue-like substance that reveals all the intricacies of life, interconnected. We can’t detach them. As much as I want to detach body from spirit, I can’t completely ‘check-out’ from this physical form i’ve been given. Or I suppose I can, which would be my decision to NOT participate, and it’s this choice I see to be the most tragic.

I used to not concern myself with life, but now I believe it’s the participation, the ins and outs and complexities that ultimately make it the most fulfilling experience.

I used to think doing my own taxes and paying my own car insurance were solid proof that I was advancing into adulthood. Now, after experiencing a colonscopy, I see life through a different scope if you will. It's a pain in the ass for sure. It's something I never considered, but I hit life hard. This seems unmistakably attached to adulthood. I also used to think being strong was working out and having a muscular body with not a six, but eight pack to show for. Now, after being sick for an extended stretch, I see it's all in the procedures and endurance. Helpless and drugged, I lie on my side and am in the hands of four medical professionals looking to get to the bottom of a sickness that has yet to be named. There is hope within each soul, and there is hope that lies far beyond any procedure room or ICU. I'd like to think that's where I go when they put me under. Not a place where I forget all the pain, in fact, quite the opposite.

I used to think life was some-thing, but now I realize it's EVERY-thing.

Enough about me though. As if the blog platform is purely for personal output. Nope. It's bigger than that, or it should be at least. Now i’m looking to you, the reader, to continue this post. What is one of your “I used to…” stories. I’d love it if you’d share something in the comments below. Thanks. Peace my friend.

Hibernation

A few brief pieces written during these cold winter mornings...

"Embers Soft Glow"

Winter cold. Crystal lake. 

Mood the same, in the wake.

Footsteps covered by fresh snow.

Fire fades out, embers soft glow.

Trudging through the once lush valley.

Tales of peace told, like ancient memories. 

Songs echo through makeshift cathedrals.

Chils up the spine, threading the needle.

Weaving together a blood-stained sweater.

Awaiting a flame, to truly know better.

Nice ideas don't make much a dwelling.

There's no business in what i'm selling.

Feelings float, fingers cold.

Waiting to fill, the creative mold.

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"White Fluffy Branches"

To walk. To travers, To see with your own two eyes the mystery

and simplicity fused together making a spectacle for audiences everywhere.

Arms stretching out like branches, awaiting blood to 

flow through the veins for comfort.

But instead, snow decided to fall which brought comfort with a new complexion. 

The branches coated with what i'd call that white fluffy stuff, or snow, 

but really it's a sort of answer to prayer.

To be in the midst of it all, only then might we see things for what they are.

The audience claps and critiques even though they don't

fully understand the gravity of this white fluffy stuff.

The complexity.

It's subtle whisperings reminding us not matter hard we try,

we are out of control.

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"Proton Pump Inhibitors"

Sometimes it is the invisible that have the most powerful effect on us.

A piece of the puzzle tucked away in our naivety and ignorance. 

An underlying cause we never quite considered.

A social gathering with pre-conceived notions going

into it will inevitably turn out how you expect.

But you experience can be separate from the substance itself.

Your believe system and ideas could be contributing to a form of malabsorption.

Where even the nutrients of healthy living are not supporting

your body because there is a blockage.

We've been taught to show caution and exercise beliefs from a young age,

but too of that in one direction of fear or bitterness can limit us to a

weak state of living.

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"Not Past Infant Stage"

Masticating and consuming what would best be described as baby formula.

Mash with no taste.

I viewed a futuristic sci-fi film where the humans

ate a gravy-like substance from four separate trays.

Mayby this is what it will come to.

Maybe we're already there.

Maybe we never actually get very far.

The words of caution from our parents don't fully absorb and

we wind up with insecure taste buds.

We don't bother to learn too much and consequently 

we steal lifestyles from our closest neighbor.

We work so hard to not "feel" things and tragically we can be successful.

But when there's no taste, no feel, life loses all substance.

It leaves you waddling and crawling around aimlessly, grabbing

and chewing anything you see because you don't know any better.